The Principal Is Powerless
by Red Witch
Summary: The Principal of the Skool learns the hard way that when it comes to Zim and Dib, parental help isn't all that it's cracked up to be.


**A blob of Jell-O ate the disclaimer saying that I don't own Invader Zim and company. Just more madness from my mind. EMBRACE THE MADNESS! **

**The Principal is Powerless**

Principal Edgars, a balding man with glasses stared at the two latest offenders of the skool. Actually it was the two usual offenders, Dib and Zim. "Well boys, here we are **again**."

"Look if this is about the Jell-O monster rampaging in the hallways it's **Zim's fault!"** Dib pointed. "He made that thing by tinkering with the DNA of the Jell-O in the cafeteria so it would eat me!"

"Dib is **lying!**" Zim protested. "There is no Jell-O monster! He's just making stuff up again!"

Outside the skool building they could hear screaming. All three looked out the window and saw a huge green blob rolling on the lawn with several children inside. Both the principal and Dib looked at Zim. "Oh…You mean **that **Jell-O monster," Zim whistled innocently. "That's uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….Transfer student."

"Yeah right," Dib scoffed.

"Actually boys this time it's about what happened in Gym class this morning," Principal Edgars gave them a look.

"Oh **that,**" Dib blinked. "That was Zim's fault too."

"Was not!" Zim snapped.

"Was too!" Dib yelled.

"Enough!" Principal Edgars snapped. "Boys it's time we had a talk. I called your parents and they are coming down to the skool to discuss your behavior."

BANG!

"We're he-ere!" Zim's robot dad said cheerfully. In addition to Zim's robot mom, a huge monitor with rockets on the end with an image of Dr. Membrane.

"What is **that**?" Principal Edgars pointed to the video phone.

"That's Dad's video phone," Dib explained. "He uses it to talk to people outside of his lab."

"Yes I never leave my lab unless it's for something really important," Dr. Membrane said. "It's not that important is it?"

"No we're just discussing your son's aggressive tendencies and his problems with skool and life in general," Principal Edgars asked sarcastically. "No big thing."

"See it's Dib that's the problem!" Zim said.

"You're **both** the problem!" Principal Edgars snapped. He addressed the parents. "There was an incident in Gym Class today."

"_Gym_ class?" Dr. Membrane recoiled at the words.

"It wasn't an incident. We were just playing dodge ball," Dib shrugged. "You know, throw the ball try to get the other person out?"

"Yes, but you're not supposed to shoot balls at your own **team mates!"** Principal Edgars snapped.

"Well that's a stupid rule," Zim scoffed as he folded his arms.

"My team mates shoot balls at me anyway," Dib said. "Why not take them out first? Besides I was after Zim! They were in my way!"

"And those fools were just in **my way** while I was trying to take out Dib Monkey so really it was their own fault," Zim nodded.

"Okay let's try talking to the adults now," Principal Edgars sighed. "As you can see this has caused a bit of a problem. Six boys were sent to the nurse's office, three are still unconscious and they're still peeling one more off the wall. As you can imagine this would cause a lot of other parents to get upset."

"I **am **upset," Professor Membrane said. "Upset that instead of teaching my boy something useful like **science** you're concerned about him running around with a stupid ball or some other pointless activity!"

"What?" Principal Edgars blinked.

"Dad isn't exactly a great believer in Phys Ed," Dib explained.

"It's the same thing when I was a boy," Membrane grumbled. "Go run laps around a track that leads to nowhere! Climb a rope with nothing at the end of it! Throw balls at each other in order to hurt everyone else! When will this madness end?"

"Stop the madness!" Zim's robot mom cried out.

"I say the real problem is Gym itself! Eliminate it!" Professor Membrane shouted. "And replace it with more **science** classes!"

"We **can't** eliminate gym class!" Principal Edgars told him.

"Why not? You eliminate everything else!" Professor Membrane asked. "All in the name of saving your budget! Get rid of gym class, your lawsuits will drop down to zero. Except of course the accidental death lawsuits you get now and then in a science class but that can happen to anyone."

"Lawsuits!" Zim's robot dad yelled.

"Look the point is this isn't exactly an isolated incident!" Principal Edgars snapped.

"Of course it isn't! That's what you get when you have big dumb muscle bound morons teaching children how to throw things when they should be learning **science!**" Professor Membrane snapped.

"No, I mean this isn't an isolated incident with these two boys acting like a couple of maniacs," Principal Edgars pulled out a very large file. "Dib already had a few incidents before Zim transferred to this school. But since Zim came they've escalated into a huge…Dr. Membrane, are you paying attention?"

Membrane was off camera. "No, I said use the plutonium **237!** Not the plutonium **238**! How can you mix those two up? Plutonium 238 is **blue** for crying out loud!"

"Dr. Membrane…" Principal Edgars said impatiently.

"You put it **where?**" Membrane yelled at an assistant off camera. "Great Scott! If that stuff even **slightly** reacts with the nanoscopic atomictrons…"

There was an alarm off camera. "Get the decontamination units online! Call in Sector G!" Membrane screamed hysterically. "We have less than five minutes before there's a chain reaction that will destroy half the…"

That's when the video feed went dead. On screen there was a message that said: EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES. BE BACK SOON!

"Oh boy…" Principal Edgars sighed. "Now maybe you two can…?"

"WHEEEE!" Zim's mom robot zoomed out of the room.

"Where is **she** going?" Principal Edgars shouted.

"Uh to the bathroom!" Zim said quickly.

"Bladder control doesn't have to run your life!" Zim's dad robot threw up his hands. "I wear Depends!"

"He doesn't wear anything! They're robots for crying out loud!" Dib shouted.

"Well at least they **showed up!"** Principal Edgars shouted. "At this point I'll take what I can get!"

Principal Edgars collected himself. "Now…Zim's Father…I'm sure you are concerned with the level of hijinks your son has committed."

"I'll say," The robot dad said. "Good job son! You deserve a break today!"

"No! No!" Principal Edgars snapped. "What is **wrong** with you people?"

"I keep **telling** you but you don't listen to me," Dib grumbled.

"Sorry Dib, did you say something?" Zim mocked.

"Oh you are so going to…" Dib growled as he made a fist.

"Fight! Fight! Fight!" Zim's robot dad cheered.

"No! No fighting!" Principal Edgars snapped. "Well it's pretty obvious where Zim gets **his** attitude from!"

"Thank you!" Zim's robot dad said cheerfully.

Just then the screen turned back on again. "Sorry about that. Slight fire…" Dr. Membrane laughed nervously. "There were no plutonium leaks. The city is not in danger of becoming a nuclear wasteland. Uh what were we talking about again?"

"And here is the equally obvious explanation for the **other **one…" Principal Edgars gritted his teeth. "Your son…"

Just then an alarm on Membrane's screen sounded. "Dear God! We didn't plug up all the leaks! Uh pay no attention to that radiation alarm! Everything is fine! Dib keep up the good work in skool!"

Just then Membrane's video shorted out. With a rumble the video phone managed to boost it's rockets and shot out of the window. "Cool! I want to do that!" Zim's robot Dad cheered.

The intercom went off. "Principal Edgars…" The skool secretary spoke. "Zim's mother just set the nurse's office on fire."

"Time to make smores!" Zim's robot Dad said cheerfully before he went through the door, making a hole in it.

"Uh…I have to go to class now…" Zim gulped as he got off the chair.

"Yeah so do I! Nice seeing you Principal Edgars!" Dib agreed as the two fled the room.

"I should have listened to my parents and become a garbage man," Principal Edgars moaned as he banged his head on the desk.


End file.
